Living with Bone Cancer

I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in my lower mandable (jaw) in April 2006, at the age of 38. I do not smoke, hardly consume any alcohol. The solution given was surgery and chemo The surgeons call the operation a “Commando”, they needed to remove part of my lower jaw ( including most of my teeth), replace it with a titanium plate and bone, skin and arteries from my left leg ( removing the fibilar bone). I had no time to even ponder any of this and before I knew it, my first chemo in hospital took place, 4 days of absolute hell, no medications helped for the nausea, but prayer and support got me through it. My hair started falling out within 2 weeks. on the 31st of May 2006 I had my surgery, a 15 hour operation.

I spent a week in ICU and had to have 2 emergency operations to repair tissue inside my mouth that did not want to heal, the last emergency operation I was awake for 3 hours whilst they operated me under local anathestic. I had 5 more chemo’s, the tumour was less than a 1cm, but the radius removed was 8cm. I had to learn to walk again, couldnt eat for almost 2 months and could only take in fluids and had a feeding tube. I was told the chances of me ever skiing or scuba diving again were almost nil.

I worked hard in the gym, remained positive even through the darkest days, prayer and support kept me going, but there were time when you could only suffer on your own, one cannot explain to anyone who has not gone through this themselves. I got through it, found renewed enthusiasm for life, was humbled and realized that all we have is the now and how important it is not to sweat the small things, how we end up complicating our lives ourselves because life is quiet simple. I had to cope with the changes in my facial features. Being a women, it was difficult to accept that I had lost teeth, my looks and would have to have temp. dentures for the rest of my life. I had the scarring on my face and neck ( luckily very well done thanks to my plastic surgeon), the scarring on my leg and felt like my womenhood itself had been attacked, but realized quickly that being alive and healthy is more important than looks and external beauty. Then 14 months later I was hit by another shock.

I noticed a swelling inside my mouth next to the 3 remaining teeth on the left side of my cheeck on the 26th December 2007. It turned out to be Osteosarcoma again, this time in the soft tissue. I could not believe it, not again! What were the odds, the oncologist always said that statistics have shown it rarely comes back in the same area and would most likely come back in my lungs if ever! Radiation was the answer. The prognosis after the scans were good, it was localized and my oncologist was positive that we could beat this with the radiation. I had 37 sessions, never could I have imagined how terrible it would be. I thought nothing could be worse than chemo yet this was way worse on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level.

My entire mouth was covered in ulcers for 5 months. I lost 22kg, could not eat anything except scrambled eggs and shakes which I forced down with rice milk. It took every bit of will power to remain positive, the pain was never ending 24 hours a day. I was not allowed to wash the bottom half of my face during radiation, no make-up and could not brush my teeth. Had to gargle with salt and non alcohol mouthwashes. If it was not for my faith, the love and support and prayers from my close family and friends I do not know how I would have survived. I was forced to go on to morphine for 3 weeks to help with the pain, and the withdrawel symptoms were horrific, but I got through it. I just knew I had to.

My face is swollen, and I look like a chipmunk, but the radiation has worked, I have regained my strength, can work again, think again and although we are waiting for the next CT scan to determine whether I will need surgery to remove the residue, I am positive, grateful and blessed to be alive. With Gods grace anything is possible, my message to others is to have faith, to believe, to set goals and objectives, allow others to help, your main focus is to regain your health and fight the battle not to worry about other things, there will be days when you are strong and days you are weak, live one day even one hour or minute at a time when and if necessary. Keep a diary, it really has helped me in coming to terms with it all. Most of all never give up, its never to late.

I was not supposed to ever ski again, I did and even better than before, I have scuba dived again, I was not going to be able to wear shoes with heels again, I am now on medium heels again and was even able to dance on my daughters 21st birthday party a couple of days ago. I was able to go back to Sweden to my favourite ski resort and walk up the ski slope ( summer) seeing that I could not ski two weeks ago. As I was walking up the hill, with great difficulty, I was praying, dedicating my climb to all those who have had to go through a cancer battle, those who have won, those who have not and those still trying to do so. I was able to pay tribute to friends I have lost in the last year due to cancer and to thank God for giving me the chance to live. I was able to go on the zip lines, go-carting and walking in the mountains. It took allot of courage and discipline to force myself out of bed to do these things, but as a result I am now so much better, feel great and healthy and no matter what lies ahead, I will face it with faith, with a positive attitude and never give up.